Fuddrucker's - World's Greatest Hamburgers??

JLAM Says:

Fuddrucker’s touts themselves as having the World’s Greatest Hamburgers. Now, personally, I think that’s a really tough claim to make. I mean, I tout myself as being a true burger aficionado, and when I put my gut to it, I can slap down a pretty mean burger on the backyard grill. The Whopper, as you know, is really tough to beat, and Red Robin has a few menu items that I could potentially kill for. But, all things considered, I do have to admit that Fuddrucker’s makes a really good burger, for a reasonable price.

The atmosphere is more formal than a Five Guys, but less than a Red Robin. The ordering process is quick and easy, and the self-serve toppings bar allows full customization with no boundaries. Fuddrucker’s successfully combines the feel and speed of a fast food joint with the more substantial fare of a sit-down restaurant.

Now, although burgers are definitely my thing, I forced myself to order the item that grabbed our attention and caused us to come: the Turkey Sliders platter. Basically, three mini Turkey burgers with a side of sweet potato fries and your own topping bar creations to spruce it up. I decided to go simple on the toppings: a little BBQ sauce, tomato, dill pickle. It was truly excellent. And I liked the fact that it wasn’t marketed as some weird freak show cousin to the real burger. This turkey stood up on its own merits and really stole the show. The side of sweet potato fries was also a refreshing change from the ordinary. The only thing I would probably rethink is the raspberry dipping sauce they provided with the fries. A little too much like jam in my book.

Overall, though, I’d have to give the Turkey Sliders, and Fuddrucker’s on the whole a towering…

TERRIFIC!!

BCOM Says:

Fuddrucker’s has been in Albany a year or less, so I fully expected a clean, new feel to the place. That’s exactly how I felt as I was walking up to the cafeteria-style menu. I went classic with a simple 2/3 lb. burger with bacon, mushrooms and cheese, and a side salad. I asked for Caesar dressing, and instead received a Caesar side salad, but that turned out to be a good choice.

After placing the order, I was handed my buzzer and we went to find a seat.

Now, since I was sitting with JLam and Wipp, I’m praying to God to set that buzzer off quickly! It took about a minute for me to get tired of them sharing war stories about mechanical conquests they’ve made over the years and car problems they’ve dealt with. Fortunately, it only took another three minutes or so to get our food. When that buzzer went off, I was like a bat out of hell…

The lettuce was crisp, and the salad had just the right amount of dressing, plus some really delectable homemade croutons. The burger and bacon were well-done, exactly as I’d ordered, and the mushrooms were spread evenly across the burger (what a concept!) All engines were GO so far!

Heading back to my seat from the “have-it-your-way” (sorry, BK) toppings bar, getting ready to leave the atmosphere en route to Burger Heaven, I ran into the first (and only) “Houston, we have a problem.” Searching for clean silverware turned out to be about as easy as locating a good episode of Cop Rock.

That’s a little gross. But, I was eventually successful.

Getting back to the food, everything tasted as it should. No other surprises were forthcoming, and I had an enjoyable meal. If Fuddrucker’s cleans up its silverware problem, it would be a top-notch, Grade A establishment. For now, they’ll have to settle for…

TERRIFIC!!

And now a special treat for all you TerrificOrTurders out there:

Our first GUEST BLOGGER!!!

Wipp Says:

Well call me a guest on this blog. Being a fan of terrific or turd and a person who enjoys food as well I was truly honored when asked if I would like to post my thoughts on my dining experience at Fuddruckers. First let me state the pressure is on to meet the standards that JLAM and BCOM have with their writing skills. With that said I still don't understand how you can say "There's a weird... ack! " about a food or drink and still call it terrific BCOM has really put the pressure on by offering to pick up the tab. Now being a person who will never turn down a free meal, I just had to say yes. However, I am sure that there will be an opportunity to return the favor. I am thinking the dollar menu at McDonalds. LOL.

OK lets start with the atmosphere, Since I am a little older that my two friends I am sure I recognized some of the pictures on the wall way before they did. I did not let them know this though. Dam is sucks to get old, but it is better than the alternative. The place was clean and brought back memories of Ted's Fish Fry from when I was a kid. The stainless steel back wall was shiny and clean and being a former restaurant manager I can tell you this is no easy task. I placed my order for their new Turkey sliders. Let me state here that when I was a kid of 16 or so my friends and We would go to a place called Jack's Drive in for sliders. They were called sliders because they were grilled greasy little burgers( not steamed like White Castle) covered with smothered onions that could just slide down you throat. They were DELICIOUS. While I waited for my food I strolled over to the toppings bar. The items were fresh and the color coordination was good. What I mean by this is that they seemed to try to not put the same color fixings right next to each other. Half the battle to pleasing the pallet it pleasing the eye first. I was pleasantly surprised by the options of condiments as well. There were two different mustards as well as BBQ sauce, mayo and Ketchup. There were also bottles of different condiments as well. I decided to bring a little of everything back to the table. When the buzzer went off I thought BCOM had hit the lottery, he had jumped up so fast telling us the food was ready I almost had to check out the rest rooms. I pick up my plate or plowel, what ever the dish is called that contained my sustenance and headed to our table. First I was disappointed that my sliders did not have any onions but I should have known they were not pictured with onions. I wonder why they are called sliders.

There were three Turkey ?sliders? served with the meal I decided to fix each one differently. All three I put tomatoes, and lettuce on. The first one I put jalapeño peppers, and Heinz 57 sauce on it. My first bite told me I had chose the correct topping for my liking but did I over power the taste of the burger was yet to be determined. The second one I toned down a bit and just added pickles and a touch of Mayo. I did receive more flavor from the turkey this way. The last T burger I again put some jalapeno peppers on this time without any condiments. Again I was able to get the flavor of the turkey as well the bite of the jalapeño that I love. The T burger is a hit with me as were the sweet potato french fries which I had never had before. I do still prefer regular fries over the SWP fries. While I will probably never call them sliders I would give the Turkey Burger and Fuddruckers a

TERRIFIC!!

Crystal Light On-the-Go (Fruit Punch flavor)

J-LAM Says:
When I was a kid, cherry Kool-Aid was a staple in my Mom's fridge. But she cared about my health. (At least as much as any parent who thinks artificially colored and flavored sugar water is adequate nutrition for a 10-year-old hyperactive kid.) So, she always mixed it with 2/3 the sugar the package recommended. That made her feel better, and I never even knew she was totally deceiving me. Of course, the first time I stumbled across FULL STRENGTH Kool-Aid, I was over a friend's house. After two swallows, I knew this had to be some incredible new invention I had yet to experience.  It couldn't possibly be the same substance I had downed by the gallon for years.  THIS STUFF WAS INTENSE!
But, I digress.
That's what this stuff tastes like to me. Kool-Aid without enough sugar. There's a weird... ack! feeling in the back of my throat as I swallow, but there is an impressive lack of the blechy, synthetic flavor I expect when drinking a diet beverage. Overall, because I've learned to forgive and forget and am mostly over my scarring childhood, I give Crystal Light On-the-Go a...

TERRIFIC!

B-COM Says:
Standing in Target, looking at the selection of what I call "adult Kool-Aid", Crystal Light, I suddenly heard a voice over my shoulder. A tall, heavy-set man in a dark hoodie with nothing underneath (except a mat of grizzled chest hair,) had just appeared next to me like a ninja. There was no sound. There was no movement, he was just... THERE.
You know what I mean?
Anyway, he says, "Hey, there's more of that by the soda aisle. I drink it all the time for my sugar level."
Now, looking back on it, that statement seems logical enough. Maybe even normal.
But all I heard was, "Drink Crystal Light and you'll be a ninja!"
So, I bought it.
I decided on Fruit Punch as it had 5 calories and 0 carbs, as opposed to the Raspberry Peach, which had 10 calories and carbs to boot. As I dumped a packet into my bottle of clear water, it quickly turned a deep, dark Hawaiian Punch red.
How oddly calming.
It has a nice fruit flavor, and I don't notice the artificial flavoring or sweetener too much.
However, I am disappointed in one thing. After one pack... no ninja powers.
Fortunately there's 8 packs to go...

TERRIFIC!

TGI Friday's Sweet and Smoky Popcorn Chicken

First of all, we want to apologize to all of our adoring readers and fans for being remiss in posting this and the preceding blog on the same day. But, both of you know what kind of week we've had, so just shut yer yaps!

B-Com Says:

So, we finally enter the arena of microwavable meat products. I've waited long for this day. My microwave experiences go back far enough to remember when microwaves were fairly new, and I felt the need to microwave EVERYTHING: SPAM, (which is nasty microwaved, by the way,) items wrapped in aluminum foil or bowls with a spoon still inside, ("ooohhh, look at the fireworks!) And who could forget my brother's 16-minute hot dog escapade. (I swear to you, that hot dog either exploded into vapor or transported itself to another dimension, because when this was over, the microwave stunk like burned hot dog, but the hot dog itself was gone.)

J-Lam tells me technology has come a long way, and he swears these 'sweet and smoky' chicken bites will be "mmmm, sooooo good!" as he clutches them in the patented J-Lam Death Grip (which is really just an awkward fat-guy hug.)

As he took the plate out of the microwave, I see he used the two-plate method described on the package to promote maximum moistness. Rifling one in his mouth, he starts screaming and lolling his head back and forth, crying about how hot they are. Now seriously, how can you complain about how hot something is when you pull out of a nuclear particle accelerator after two minutes of violent nuclear bombardment and rifle it in your mouth immediately?

After I let it cool down a touch, I popped one in my mouth. It tasted like a chicken-flavored meatball. The flavor was alright, but the texture was very mushy. Overall, the flavor of the sauce was good, but I guess I look for more density in my chicken. I'm the kind of guy who needs a dense chicken...

I'm going to stop now. It did taste good, so I'm giving it a hesitant...

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

I've had the original appetizer at TGI Friday's, and sadly, the frozen microwaveable version is just as good. For less than a third of the price and a tenth of the time investment, I was able to consume 750 calories worth of incredibly tasty sweet misquite-flavored white meat goodness.

There's not much more I can say because B-Com used up our entire day's bandwidth with his overextended "reminiscing" about the history of the microwave. I'll just mention that these delectible protein bombs are NOT healthy. I don't go to the frozen-convenience-food section of the grocery store expecting a balanced, healthy meal, and I didn't get one this time.

But damn.

It tasted awesome.

TERRIFIC!!

Vegetable Thins - Flavor Originals

Nabisco goes retro with Vegetable Thins!!!!

Who cares?

J-Lam Says:

It would be nice if "Flavor Originals" had some flavor. You know, any flavor at all would be nice. Something. I guess the original flavor was invented before flavor existed, so they needed to specially design a chip that tasted like nothing. It's like the Seinfeld Show of crackers!

That's not to say I wouldn't pound these things down without thinking about it, while watching the 49rs trounce a bunch of sissies in spandex and pads, but I wouldn't like it. There's nothing to like. (Unless of course, you like nothing. And if you're that kind of consumer, you'll have a tough time convincing yourself that the nothing you find here is the kind of nothing you like. Being that you like nothing... Anyway,) They're not even good for you. They're still almost as high in fat as any of a million varieties of snack chips, but all those chips taste better.

This one was easy:

TURD!!

B-Com Says:

I have fond memories of enjoying Vegetable Thins as a kid. I remember the crackers as crisp and buttery with a perfect blend of (vegetable) spices, which made them even more delectable. The box now touts them as "baked, with a great new recipe!" As I tore open the top of the box, I was reminiscing so hard, I could almost feel that rich, spicy cracker crumble over my tongue...

Then I was brought crashing back into reality with my first bite. I laughed.

Now, anyone who knows me will tell you that I laugh when something is bad. Really bad. Car crashes? I generally chuckle. Train wreck? A good hearty guffaw. Vegetable Thins?

I was crying, I was laughing so hard.

I had to check quick to see if I'd accidentally bitten the box because the chip tasted like cardboard. I know the packaging was very proud to boast it was made of 100% recycled paperboard, but I didn't realize that included the contents!

Of course, it wasn't a total loss. There was a very interesting recipe for Creamy Vegetable Garlic Dip on the side of the box that I'm very interested in trying. But as for the Vegetable Thins, they're a shoo-in...

TURD!!!

Mr. Subb Bistros

Mr. Subb, localized competitor to the larger national Subway and Quiznos chains, is changing its face and its guts to move closer to the sit-down-and-enjoy-yourself eateries it competes with for the busy lunchtime crowd.

We're torn as to how good a job they've done.

J-Lam Says:
As I walked in, I said to myself, "This looks just like..." and then I couldn't finish the sentence because it looks just like every other semi-fast-food joint within a five-mile radius. I'm not sure what I was expecting when I read "Bistro" on the sign out front, but as I stood looking at the menu it occurred to me that all it takes to call yourself a Bistro, as opposed to a sub shop, is more chairs and lobster bisque.

Perhaps I'm just being cynical, but I don't get the difference otherwise. My personal opinion would be to keep it simple, stay true to the original flavor of the place, and if that means you don't need to spend millions to "keep up with the Joneses" (or the Quiznos) then pass the savings on to John Q. Public, and maybe bring a smile to his face.

I ordered the hot chicken parm sub, which was adequate. That is to say, I enjoyed it like I would enjoy any warm hunk of meat in red sauce with x-factor melted cheese on top. It was fine. It didn't wow me. Now, walking into a simple neighborhood sub shop, I don't expect to be wowwed by anything. Somehow, walking into a "bistro", I do. But I wasn't.

My distinguished colleague let me know that I should have picked one of their new Hot Paninis or their $5 cold subs, which were their advertised specials that day. OK, point taken. I screwed up. But I get the feeling that if I could go back in time and make it right, I'd still be shrugging and saying, "it was alright."

TURD.

B-Com Says:
Mr. Subb Bistro looks like a standard sub place, but they've added flat screen TV's, some light music in the background, and free Wi-Fi, which is pretty cool. I ordered up a chicken ceasar salad and a bowl of J-Lam's accursed lobster bisque.

The soup was forgettable. At first, it tasted fine, but when I hit the lobster puree at the bottom of the bowl, it reminded me of the beach. That is to say, it was sandy. If you find that to be yum-o (all apologies to Rachel Ray, please don't sue me,) then you know where to get it.

The salad was very good even though the chicken looked like it came from Mars. It was reddish-orange. I paused momentarily, but since J-Lam was still alive after scarfing half his chicken parm, I took a leap of faith and popped it in my mouth. It was good.

All-in-all, I have to give Mr. Subb Bistros a terrific, although it is admittedly nothing really special. J-Lam was ranting a raving about the increase in prices that he was absolutely sure would be reflected simply because they now call themselves a bistro. Since I was paying for lunch, and since he's a stoonad, I had to point out that their prices have actually NOT increased, and that they are now following the standard $5 foot-long sub formula their competition has dictated.

TERRIFIC!

Burger King Flame Broiled Potato Snacks

Those miracle workers at Inventure Group have done it again!!!!!! (As long as you like onions.) Check out their official site here: http://www.inventuregroup.net/burger-king.asp

JLam Says:

I was noticably skeptical when BCom held out the bag, because there were only a few chips remaining in the bottom, and I naturally assumed he had snagged them somewhere unmentionable or maybe stole them. But even more importantly, The Whopper holds a place of almost sacred honor in my Pantheon of Consumables, and the thought of anyone trying to infuse some of that holy essence into a potato chip was very nearly sacrilege.

But that didn't stop me from finishing the bag. And I have to say, they were really good. I mean, as chips go, I'd put these right near the top of my list just because they're a little different, and (if you can believe this,) relatively healthy too! But most important is the taste, which honestly is flame-broiled in that the smoky, delicately spiced flavor you expect on a good burger is found here in copious amounts. It's definitely missing the lettuce, tomato, ketchup, pickles and mayo that would make it a truly epic culinary delight, but again, as chips go, this salty and crunchy treasure trove from Inventure Group gets my coveted...

TERRIFIC!

BCom Says:

First of all, let me settle the issue of the nearly empty bag. I purchased these chips fair and square, and let JLam know we had something to try, and he took his dear sweet time getting his lazy butt down to my desk to try them. In the meantime, I housed those suckers.

Now, I have to begin by explaining that The Whopper is definitely a personal favorite, and I love the fact that I can have it My Way. Now, all things being equal, I like the flavor combo that the original Whopper provides, including the sharp tang of white onions spicing up each bite. But, I am in the habit of ordering a Whopper without onions any time I plan to see, hear, or interact in any way with any other human being over the next two or three days because Burger King has apparently made a pact with the Devil, and the Devil is an onion farmer.

The onions Burger King uses will cement their scent to your fingertips and your breath for eons of time, announcing to one and all that you just downed 600 calories of pure burger bliss.

That being said, I will immediately endorse Burger King Flame Broiled Potato Snacks because they are extremely tasty. And they're not dripping with grease. But, somewhere deep down in the "flame-broiled" flavor, is some dehydrated dust that was, at one time, a proud white onion. And that white onion is just waiting for the opportunity to cling like leeches to your fingertips and breath, announcing to one and all that you just ate a bag full of Whopperish Wonder.

You can't control the scent... you can only hope to contain it.

My bottom line recommendation: expect to spend $4.98 on this bag of chips. $2.99 for the bag of chips itself, and $1.99 for the rubber gloves you'll need to get through it without stinking like a Whopper. Regardless, these chips have earned our...

TERRIFIC!!!

Dunkin' Donuts Personal Pan Pizzas

Dunkin' Donuts is entering the madcap world of lunch-hour fast food with 5-inch personal pan pizzas and flatbread sandwiches. (See the official site at https://www.dunkindonuts.com/aboutus/products/NGSS.aspx)

We decided to try out the pizzas because we have a broader frame of reference. (For those of you who are used to our normal vocabulary level, that means we eat more pizza than flatbread sandwiches.) After reading our thoughts, you'll know why we think Dunkin' Donuts should change their slogan to Everyone Runs From Dunkin'!

B-Com Says:

Before I continue, let's remember that we went to a doughnut shop to get a pizza. Obviously, this is not Pizzaria Uno's or even Pizza Hut. It's certainly not your old-school neighborhood pizzaria where Uncle Guido has been hand-crafting deep-dish delights for over half a century. This is a doughnut shop looking to cash in on the lunchtime crowd by offering a 5-inch personal pizza you can whiz through the drive-thru and bring back to the office to pound down before your 1:00 meeting.

That being said, we decided to sample the cheese ($2.99) and the pepperoni ($3.29) varieties. Tryin the cheese first, I found it quite tasty. I came in expecting a reheated frozen pizza, and that's what I got, but the cheese was much better than Eelios or any of the dozens of other frozen pizza brands I've tried over the years. It actually made me look forward to the pepperoni because that's generally my pizza preference.

This is where the wheels fell off.

The pepperoni pizza was of a lower quality than most frozen pizzas I've tried: it was cardboardy, dry, and all-around pathetic. If you chopped up some mildly spicy meat-product, added a few drops of uninspiring sauce, and dropped it on a cracker (or any other vehicle on which to shove it down your piehole,) you could easily match this experience. As much as I enjoyed the cheese pizza, my experience with the pepperoni through the whole thing off. Whoever approved this experiment should be feverously working on a new-and-improved model because this one is a

TURD!!!

J-Lam Says:

Pizza Hut and Domino's have nothing at all to worry about.

Now, I understand why Dunkin' Donuts is heading in this direction because I'm probably the only guy in upstate New York who is willing to eat two Boston Creme doughnuts for lunch. But the personal pan pizzas offered don't make me want to spend my lunch break hunting up a Dunkin' Donuts.

First of all, for the price (which isn't much, but runs around the same price as a standard burger or chicken sandwich at any another fast food joint) there's not a lot of food here. The pizzas are only five inches across, and about an inch of that is dry crust. Taking my time with it, I got about seven bites out of the thing, and it felt like less. Not that I'm touting a huge burger for any particular reason, but when I spend a couple bucks on a Whopper, I walk away feeling like I actually ate something.

Then we get to the taste. Unlike my esteemed colleague, I had the displeasure of trying the pepperoni first. It reminded me of a dusty coaster that someone spilled pizza sauce on. The tiny pepperoni cubes were chewy and lacked flavor, and there was far less cheese on it than on its better-looking older brother. I struggled through it, already thinking up what incredibly mean things I could say about it in this blog.

Fortunately for pepperoni, I ate the cheese next, and it did a fairly good job of bringing me back into an agreeable state of mind. (In other words, it caused me to edit out all my nastiness except the coaster comment above.) Although still suffering from the same size and satisfaction shortcomings of the pepperoni variety, at least these seven bites were flavorful and enjoyable.

Overall, though, even the power of the cheese pizza can't turn this bad idea into anything other than a

TURD!!

Peanut Butter Whoppers

You may have noticed that this is the second "new" variety of Whoppers we've tested, and so far so good! You can't find their official site anywhere, but that's okay because the blogosphere is afire with stories on these little tan packages of peanut-buttery goodness.

B-Com Says:

Think about being five years old, up early on a Saturday morning, getting ready for the cartoons to start. You've got one of your Mom's mixing bowls out, and you've found your favorite cereal. You get out the big gallon jug of whole milk, 'cause you're a big boy now, and you empty half the box of Cap'n Crunch into the bowl, and fill so full of milk, it's floating at the rim.

Then came that first bite and the intense peanut butter flavor combined with the Cap'n's patented "shards-of-glass" attack on the tender lining of the roof of your mouth...

These Peanut Butter Whoppers are exactly like that, without the shards of glass. I would recommend making a cereal out of it.

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

For some reason, hearing B-Com tell me we were going to try Peanut Butter Whoppers, I pictured a regular chocolate Whopper with a peanut butter-flavored malt ball center. I was really loving that picture (and highly recommend the idea to any candy company big-wigs who may be avid Terrific Or Turd fans!)

But, alas, it's a peanut-butter coated malt ball. I was justifiably disappointed.

But, then I put it in my mouth, and all was forgiven. This little nugget of pure nutty yumminess has excellent flavor that mixes well with the old-fashioned malt flavor of the original malted milk ball. It's not as overpoweringly sweet as the original milk chocolate variety, which may even be an improvement! I give Peanut Butter Whoppers and enthusiastic

TERRIFIC!

Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers

Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers add a brand new twist on an age-old candy favorite! Unfortunately, as it turns out, Hershey's doesn't think enough of their product to mention it anywhere on their official Whoppers website! http://www.hersheys.com/products/details/whoppers.asp

B-Com Says:

The last time I ate a Whopper, I was 9 years old. Let me take you back there for a moment:

When I was growing up, my Mom didn't have money for anything more than the staples: milk, bread, etc. So we almost never had candy, or treats of any kind. One day my aunt brought home a One Pound Super Sack of Whoppers.

Realizing we wouldn't be seeing another gift from the gods like this one for many moons, and also realizing that "we" was actually "me" because my sister wasn't home when my aunt dropped by, one overriding thought took over: "This sack must go down, and it must go down hard."

Now imagine the nine-year old kid who has just finished obliterating a pound of Whoppers.

There is a line, a boundary if you will, between sane and insane consumption of simple carbohydrates. I triple-jumped that sucker.

So, fast-forwarding over twenty years, you can understand why I've avoided busting open a package of Whoppers since what I call D-Day.

That story notwithstanding, I found Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers to be very pleasent tasting, fruity and delicious. My pancreas started to twitch and moan after I'd had only ten, but that's probably a good thing.

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

I've always liked Whoppers, but for some reason they've always made me sick too. Reading my colleague's story above, I realize it's not just me. Now, I need to ask: if people the world over have been making themselves sick by eating large quantities of Whoppers since 1929 (did you read the site I linked to above, hmm?) when they were invented, why in the name of all that's holy do they package the things in such huge boxes? Why not a little six or seven-Whopper "fun size"?

Do they like making us ill?

Anyhow, I've ripped them enough because the fact is, I enjoyed Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers very much. I only ate a few because I was nervous about the effect described above, but what I had went down nice and smooth, with a pleasent Strawberry-Quik-style artificial strawberry flavor. Just like you'd expect from a strawberry milkshake.

Nutritionally, they're not bad as candy goes. But I did notice that all 8 grams of fat are saturated. Ouch.

Still, as I've said many times already on this blog, if I'm grabbing the eye-catching pink box and delving into a package labeled "Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers", I'm not in it for the health benefits.

Overall, Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers earns my

TERRIFIC!

Vanilla Mud

Mud is touted as "Coffee for the rest of us!", and is available in three flavors plus an extra-strong Dyno-Mud variety. Check them all out here: http://www.drinkmud.com/.

B-Com Says:

This is coffee in a can. Straight up. Coffee, vanilla, milk. Tasty.

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

He's a man of few words. (But not often enough!)

Here is yet another coffee drink. Looking back at the Terrific Or Turd postings, we're obviously drawn to these things for bad or for good.

Mud looks like the others: a solid texture and color, which is appetizing. (See our A&W Root Beer Float post for a bad example of this important point.) But, it tastes much better. It's not as sweet as, say, a Starbucks Frappuccino. This puts it a notch above Starbucks in my mind.

It's also not the same funky-fake vanilla flavor I've come to expect from vanilla coffee drinks, which is a pleasent surprise. There is a fairly high sugar content for a drink that's not too sweet, but not enough to turn me off to it.

Overall, I'm inpressed. Very good. I'll buy it again.

TERRIFIC!

Phat Phruit (Grape-Strawberry Phlavor)

Phat Phruit is another addition to the vast energy drink market, this time in the form of 40-calories of phruitilicious juice. (Sorry for the ph-thing, after reading their website, you'll understand: http://www.phatphruit.com/)

B-Com Says:

Opening the bottle, I got a pungent whiff of something that reminded me of a bottle of Flintstone vitamins. That's a weird scent in a bottle of juice, and made me hesitate.

But, taking one for the home team, I tipped it back and here was my exact reaction:

"Mmmm, this tastes like Hi-C with a -- WHOA! What the--" It was tough to swallow. Let me try again...

"Mmm, I like the -- aaacckkk!" (shudder shudder) "Whew! I'm done."

I don't think that's the reaction they were going for. There's something hidden there in the juice-like concoction, and it's not right. Not at all.

TURD!

J-Lam Says:

This is an energy drink that just tastes like juice. In some ways, that's a good thing. But in checking the ingredients, I wonder how effective it can be with just a dash of caffeine and a dose of Vitamin B-12 in it.

The normal energy drink flavor and aftertaste are missing, and it's non-carbonated which I really like. But, it's also only 40 calories, and my D+ in 10th grade Biology was enough to teach me that calories are what the body actually uses for energy. So if this stuff has less than a third of the calories of normal juice, plus caffeine and B-12, what the hell's it going to do to me?

UPDATE: After about 20 minutes I went through a five-minute period where I was unable to remain seated and felt the need to call B-Com and tell a stupid joke before hanging up and running away laughing. After five minutes I came back to my desk, sheepishly, resumed my work, and fell into my afternoon slump right on schedule.

This stuff is a phreaking

TURD!

Cape Cod Cheddar Jack and Sour Cream Potato Chips

B-Com Says:

These chips have an intense cheddar cheese flavor. Is there Jack? I don't taste it. There is a definite hint of sour cream. In short, there is really no concrete distinction between these and other cheese-flavored chips, but they do taste great!

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

What can I say? It's another cheese-flavored chip. It's not different, it's not special.

But, Cape Cod makes a really good kettle-cooked chip which has a satisfying crunch and a flavorful bite. As far as that goes, this is a great example of a Cape Cod chip. Although I tend to shy away from cheese-flavored chips and snacks, this is one is fairly good, and it gets my

TERRIFIC!

Oreo Cakesters

A soft, snack-cake version of the legendary sandwich cookie! You can check them out online here: http://www.nabiscoworld.com/oreo/cakesters/

B-Com Says:
As expected, the cakester tastes like chocolate cake with an Oreo-like cream filling in the middle. Most people, myself included, love the filling of an Oreo. That's why Double Stuff Oreos are so popular. But, oddly enough, in this case, the cream was too much!

I found it too be way too sweet in proportion to the amount of cake. It felt like there needed to be more cake to offset the super-sweet cream. I was reminded of the numbnuts who put frosting on a brownie. I mean, honestly! Frosting on a brownie? Come on!

But, I digress. I liked the cakester to a point: it had an intense flavor that was initially good, and it is a lot like it's namesake, which is an automatic winner. So, all this being said, I'd like to nominate it for the Golden Turd award, but we only have two choices here. So, I'm calling Oreo Cakesters

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

I was bowled over by the Oreo Cakesters. They're definitely up to Oreo's standards of super-tasty goodness, and the combination of that great taste with the soft and chewy cake and filling makes this a winner! I don't need to keep gabbing about it, because I'm on the way to the store to pick up some more!

TERRIFIC!

Skittles Chocolate Mix

It is somewhat telling that Mars Candy has apparently decided not to bother putting Chocolate Mix Skittles on their skittles.com website. That's because they're nasty.

B-Com Says:
Ever since I was a kid, Skittles has been touting, "Taste the Rainbow!" That line has always brought to mind a delightful, fruity, chewy candy experience. Now, however, they've taken a step over to the dark side. This seems to be an attempt to muscle in on the saltwater taffy and fudge arena, but skittles will get beat up pretty bad over there.

Here are the five flavors available, in order from least nasty to most nasty: S'mores, Vanilla, Brownie Batter, Chocolate Caramel, Chocolate Pudding. All of them are fairly accurate flavors, but they feel wrong in this candy.

When the Skittles hit my mouth, my mind is expecting lemon, cherry, etc., regardless of what's on the package. These things are obviously screwing with my mind because I like chocolate. I know I do, but these are not good.

This tells me Skittles is meddling with powers they can not possibly understand.

TURD

J-Lam Says:

Have you ever chewed an eraser?

I won't admit it either, but if I ever did, it would taste like a vanilla Skittle. The texture is a different story, but equally bad.

In my experience, (which, at 252 lbs., is significant,) chocolate should be rich and creamy. If it must be chewy, make it Tootsie Roll chewy, not chewy sugar in a hard shell. As is often the case with turds, this product goes against the grain of what the consumer expects. And, as lofty a brand as Skittles is, they just don't have the clout to start a revolution in the vaulted land of chocolate.

This bag of funky-flavored bad ideas is definitely a

TURD.

p.s. As a side note, two of our esteemed colleagues at work tried Chocolate Mix Skittles at our request, and loved them! They thought they were awesome! And while we truly appreciate their assistance, and will request it again, we felt it necessary to report that their opinions are wrong.

Java Pop Hazelnut

Java Pop is a start-up product from a little company in Vermont who are taking on the big boys of the soft drink and coffee industries, with the drink being released nationwide just today!

Unfortunately, it's not so good.

B-Com Says:
I was originally attracted to the packaging because Java Pop is going for the "organic" and "Free-trade certified" thing, which is fine. It's unique in the soft drink market, and it made want to try it out.

The color was very remeniscent of cream soda, which I love, so that whet my appetite even more. That first swallow was impressive, too, as it seemed the flavors meshed well together, and I liked it.

But, as I continued, the flavor became more intense, to the point of overbearing. It was as if something in the drink had settled in shipping, although nothing was visible. It made me want to shake it up, but that's not good because I can't shake it can I? It's carbonated.

So, since I don't feel comfortable giving out a terrific for half a product, I've got to call Java Pop a...

TURD.

J-Lam Says:

My initial reaction was similar to B-Com's: It looked great, and when I popped it open, the smell was wonderful. But that first tasted seemed flat, and the flavor was weak (although I could definitely recognize the hazelnut coffee.)

I'm not going to hit it hard because it wasn't completely horrible, but it's not a mix of flavors I can enjoy. If it were a bit stronger without being too much, I would drink it again.

Overall, I was disappointed. It smells better than it tastes, and in a soft drink, that's not what matters. It may as well smell like a...

TURD.

Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate

The picture really says it all. (Special thanks to penmachine.com for a fitting pic! Enjoyed your blog! http://www.penmachine.com/2008/02/do-not-buy-diet-cherry-chocolate-dr)



J-Lam Says:

The packaging is very retro: swoops and bubbles, all pastel shades of pink and silver and brown. I think they're going for the 50's look to bring back memories of soda fountain creations. But let's remember that kids paid a nickel for those old treasures, and that's about what this one's worth too!



When I poured it into the cup I was surprised by the funny reddish color. Dr. Pepper doesn't look good in red, and my first thought was "oh boy, it's gonna be super sweet." It wasn't.



Instead, I got a flavor I can only describe as "mild Robutussin." This was no doubt the artificial cherry flavor they infused into an otherwise delicious soda. Combined with the funky aspartame aftertaste, which I can never stand, it completely lost me after the first swallow.



I forced myself to try again, searching desperately for the chocolate advertised on the label. It was only barely noticeable when I swished it around in my mouth like a fine wine.



Fine wine this is not. It's not fine at all.

TURD.

B-Com Says:

May I remind everyone, this is a diet soda! They all taste like that! (Yes, J-Lam, I'm attacking you!) Let's break it down:

Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate. Does it deliver what it says it will deliver? Yes. That doesn't mean it's good. I didn't pick up the bottle because Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate sounded delicious, I picked it up because it was new and I wanted to try something new.

It tastes kind of like a cherry Tootsie Roll, so it delivers the goods as advertised. But honestly, my first reaction when I took a mouthful was "Oh my God! Who would drink this stuff?"

The chocolate is a surprise. A kind of a sock-you-in-the-mouth type of flavor. The cherry is more subtle, the Abbott to the chocolate's Costello.

To sum it up, does it deliver? Yes. Do I like it? No.

TURD.

P.S. If you want a chuckle, check out this YouTube video for Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2x2W12A8Qow

Mana Energy Potion

[:Mana Energy Potion:]

J-Lam Says:
This "Energy For Gamers" shot is in a really cool package. I'm not a WOW player, but it sure looks like it came from a medevil apothecary (that's ye old CVS for those of you who need to read more.)

The color is a deep seaweed green, not quite the emerald their website seems to display, and it was a bit intimidating. But when I tipped back the 1.35 ounce shot, I was pleasently surprised! The flavor was intense, as I'd expect because it's not diluted by 8 ounces of carbonated water, but it wasn't unpleasent. I kept expecting to get the shivers from that one and only swallow, but they never came.

As for effect, I had a tough time distinguishing one. To give it the benefit of the doubt, I downed the shot at about 12:30 pm, 30 minutes before I normally crash into my early afternoon energy slump. I didn't crash, so that was probably the boost from the Mana. But, I also didn't feel the normal zing I get from a Red Bull or a Rock Star, so it's tough to tell.

Further experimentation may be needed. Either way, I'm comfortable giving Mana Energy Potions a TERRIFIC!


B-Com Says:
This sour, citrusy drink tastes okay. That's actually saying a lot because I don't much care for the flavor of energy drinks, and I don't like sour either. So, the thought of a sour energy drink is not pleasing to me.

In checking over the ingredients I noticed they used artificial sweetner. I didn't notice when I swallowed it. How did they do that? Normally, I can pick out an artificial sweetner as soon as it touches my tounge. Another mark in their favor.

The manapotions.com website boasts that this shot contains twice the caffein of Red Bull, but on the package, caffeine is just listed as one component of their "Energy Potion" so there's no way to confirm that. Based on effect, I have some doubts.

I purchased six of them and when they arrived it appeared one had leaked in the package. And the "Use by..." dates had been wiped from two of the bottles, but the rest were dated October of 2008.

All in all, for a first product from a small start-up company looking to take on the big boys in a crowded and competative market, I'm impressed. I call Mana Energy Potions TERRIFIC!

Nothing But Noodles' "Italian Trio"

Making our first official foray into the world of restaurant food criticism, we found plenty to criticize at a normally impressive fast-but-not-fastfood food place: Nothing But Noodles. Here's their online menu, although, suspiciously, their new dishes don't appear! http://www.nothingbutnoodles.com/menu.php

B-Com Says:

First off, it's freezing inside! I've been in here in the heart of August and found the fireplace lit and roaring away. Today, when it's 2 outside, the fireplace is cold.

OK, now let me concentrate on what I ordered.

When I walked up to the counter, the picture announcing the New Italian Trio caught my eye. It showed three delectable offerings: Chicken Marsala, Chicken Piccata and Chicken Parmigiana. As I asked the girl behind the counter what Chicken Marsala was, I was greeted with a blank look. Assuming she didn't speak Italian as fluently as me, I slowly asked about Chicken Piccata. She was falling deeper into the void, and I was scared I might go with her into the netherworlds. So I threw it in reverse and ordered the Marsala.

In about a five-minute turnaround, the waitress brought out a bowl full of bowtie pasta, a boat-ton of chopped tomatoes, two thin chicken breasts and a light tannish-brown sauce. Just to clarify, there was a tremendous amount of chopped tomatoes. I mean, a hell of a lot of tomatoes. It was like two-thirds of the bowl. Seriously.

Taking one complete bite, I noted the springy pasta, the tender chicken, and a mouth absolutely dripping with chopped tomato. The sauce seemed to not even be there. It added nothing to the dish at all, and that left the rest of the ingredients floating around in one bowl with nothing in common.

It felt like a cheap wine all gussied up to make itself seem expensive. Nondescript, boring, and too many damn tomatoes!

TURD!

J-Lam says:

I gotta say, I didn't fair much better. While B-Com nearly drowned in the deep end with our space cadet counter girl, I was busy trying to manage filling two cups of iced tea from the fountain and juggle the napkins, silverware and straws from the central caddy because this restaurant is still grasping tight to the fast-food feel despite it's double-digit entree prices.

Don't get me wrong, all this aside, I normall love Nothing but Noodles. But their Italian Trio is an odd addition to their menu due to one important factor: the food is normally good, and these dishes aren't.

I chose the Chicken Parmigiana. How can you screw up Chicken Parm?

Here's how:

Put two frozen, breaded, thin strips of tasteless chicken on top of a pile of spaghetti coated in watery sauce and (you guessed it,) chopped tomatoes. Then, throw a handful of cheese on top and heat it up.

The sauce tasted alright, and the noodles were fine. (That's their real specialty, isn't it?) But the chicken was truly tough to swallow and I ended up leaving more than half of it. And that's not my style, if you know what I mean.

Overall, I was pretty disappointed. And by the time we left, I was totally sick of B-Com complaining about the damn tomatoes!

Dark Chocolate Raisinets

Perhaps they're not brand new, but they're new to us.

BCOM Says:

Let me set this up real quick. My first memory of dark chocolate is from the bag of Hershey's Miniatures my Mom would sometimes keep in the house. Krackle? Gone. Milk Chocolate? Loved it. Mr. Goodbar? Nice to meet you sir. Hershey's Dark? The bag got thrown out with 20 of them still inside.

So, obviously I ripped open this bag with some trepidation.

They were actually quite good, I'd have to say. No reminder of the thick, intense flavor from my childhood, which is a good thing.

It actually felt like more of a wholesome snack, which I'm sure is just the reaction they were hoping for when they released these "antioxidant bombs".

JLAM Says:

At first glance, you'd think you're buying a health food the way these are packaged. Lest we forget what we're eating here, I checked out the label a little closer.

Turns out they are pretty low in fat, carbs and calories compared to other leading chocolate candies, but we're still talking about 8 grams of fat (4.5 saturated) and 30+ grams of carbs per serving. And there's two in the bag we're all going to consume in a sitting.

That being said, I liked the taste alot, although I honestly didn't notice a huge difference from regular Raisenets, which I've always liked too.

Overall, we've given Dark Chocolate Raisenets our coveted TERRIFIC!

A&W Float and Sunkist Float Sodas

The Cadbury/Schweppes company's Dr. Pepper/7-Up division has decided to destroy a cherished piece of your childhood. Here's the site: http://www.floats.com/.

A&W Float

B-Com Says:

How does it look? Have you ever gone barhopping, gotten really sick, and the Devil comes out of you? You're close. It was so intimidating, I couldn't look it straight in the eye. Repulsive.

How does it taste? Well, if there's any way to complement this drink, it's this: it tastes exactly as I would expect after looking at it. It took the entire sharp, bright taste I remember from floats as a kid and ruined it. Flat, with a horrible after-taste.

J-Lam Says:

This stuff looks like rotten dishwater. It's packaged in a nice colorful bottle, and it's a damn good thing, because if it came in a clear bottle, you'd think something crawled inside and died before they got the cap on.

It's super sweet and thick, but not in the "rich and creamy" way. More in the "God save the queen" way. Although it tries hard to get close to hinting at the flavor of a root beer float, I can't get past the gunkiness of it. And I can't get it out of my throat!

Sunkist Float

B-Com Says:

How does it look? Whoa, whoa whoa! What an improvement over it's ugly kid sister! Picture a melted creamsicle in a cup. That's how it looks.

Now, how does it taste? I was really excited to try this because a few co-workers had tried it and loved it. I don't know if it was all their hype, or the clinging aftertaste of the worst thing I've ever choked down (see above), but though it tastes "right", it's flat and not intense in any way. I miss the bubbles.

J-Lam Says:

Sunkist Float has the same snazzy packaging, but delivers the goods inside as well with a liquid I can handle putting in my mouth.

Once again, though, it's sickeningly sweet with a gooey slickness that stays with you long after you've tried to forget it. Plus, I caught an unexpected funky "diet" flavor in there. I checked the label, and there are no artificial sweeteners, but I'd already made my decision anyway. Not impressed.

With little discussion beyond searching for a palate-cleansing chaser, we both agree to grace the Floats with our first full-scale TURD!

Rockstar Roasted Energy Drink

Rockstar's coffee-infused addition to the energy drink parade is touted online here: http://www.rockstar69.com/product.php?pdt=9

We picked up Rockstar Roasted for $2.39 in a drug store cooler, bottom shelf. The can lacked the pizzazz of most of the other Rockstar labels, but holds true to the basic design, and the gold lettering on our Mocha-flavored can was pretty sharp. This drink combines the standard Rockstar "energy blend" with espresso and cream for a Starbuck's drink with Rockstar attitude!

B-Com says:
I ran up the stairs!

I actually drank a serving of Rockstar Roasted, grimaced a little at the initial taste (it wasn't what I was expecting,) then got used to it quickly, and walked away thinking, "not bad, but it doesn't make me feel like running up the stairs. . . "

Then, I ran up the stairs!

Of course, when I got to the top, I almost died. Rockstar doesn't make you fit, but I FELT like I could keep running, and THAT's what we drink this stuff for! Terrific!


J-Lam says:
I liked Rockstar Roasted a lot. Among the huge supply of energy drinks on the market right now, Rockstar was already my speed of choice because I think it has the best effect without jitters, and (bonus!) tastes the best too.

But Roasted is another step in the right direction: it tastes much better than original Rockstar, with no loss in effect! The flavor and texture were very much like a Frappuccino, but with a better zing. I concur with my partner: Terrific.

Pizzaria's Cheese Pizza Chips

Pizzaria's Cheese Pizza Chips are distributed by Poore Brothers and Inventure Group. Check them out at http://www.inventuregroup.net/Poore-Brothers.asp. We're both pretty impressed with the company itself. Not your average snack food mega-corporation, and they're willing to try different things, make some valuable name-recognition deals with companies you don't normally associate with vending-machine fare, and they're putting some pizzazz in the pizza chip!

B-Com says:

First off, how cool is it that the bag I hold in my hand is ONE serving of chips! The nutrition info is what you'd expect from a serving of full-bore chips, but it's not 1/5 of the bag, or something equally stupid.

The packaging first struck me as odd, even a touch boring, with it's simple brick wall background and fat lettering. But, now that I've stuck one of these stellar chips in my mouth, I'm looking again at the bag, being reminded of an old-fashioned brick pizza oven.

Pizza Combos, Pizza Pringles, Pizza-ANYTHING have nothing on these chips! After I hoovered down the whole bag, even the aftertaste is good! If you like pizza, these chips ROCK!

J-Lam says:

Inventure Group? Why haven't we heard of these guys before? They're definitely not your average chip company.

I, too, was initially bored by the bag. After eating the chips, I'm still bored by the bag.

Pizzaria Cheese Pizza Chips do not taste like cheese pizza. More like a seasoned Cheez-It. But it's good.

Half the calories are from fat. OUCH. The chips aren't quite good enough for me to justify that fat content to my wife, but I'd probably eat them again on the sly.

I wish there was some middle ground I could vote for, like a Golden Turd, or Terrifically Mediocre, but that's not an option.

Terrific or Turd?

Since B-Com bought the bag of chips, and punched J-Lam in the mouth after reading his paragraph, we're giving Pizzaria's Cheese Pizza Chips a bloody Terrific!

Pringles "Extreme" Gets a Hesitant Terrific!

You can check out Pringles' online touting of their newest product line here: http://www.pringles.com/pages/index.shtml

B-Com Says:

First, take a look at the packaging. It's eye-catching, which is always good, especially in an over-crowded chip aisle. But, honestly I think the whole "extreme" thing has more than run its course. There is no extreme any more. It's been over done, so the line's name leaves something to be desired. Maybe they should have stuck with "popping" or some powerful variation of their "everything pops with pringles" theme. . .

Now, of the three flavors available, I gravitated toward the Blazin' Buffalo Chicken because I happen to like Buffalo wings. But I was leery of the words "blazin'" and "extreme" because I generally order my wings medium-mild, and don't want them too hot. As it turned out, I had little to worry about in the heat area, but if I weren't purchasing it for this blog, I'd probably avoid them out of respect for my delicate taste buds. I hope they're not losing too many customers that way.

J-Lam Says:

I came into this hoping for more. Don't get me wrong, the Blazin' Buffalo Chicken flavor Extreme Pringles tasted great. But they were just the latest in a long line of great-tasting Pringles. They were nothing special when compared to Pringles' other great flavors, and they certainly were not "extreme" in any sense of the word. Now, I love hot food. Depending on my mood, I love wings that'll bring tears to my eyes. I gravitated immediately to the Blazin' Buffalo assuming that's what I was going to get. Instead, I got a buffalo sauce-flavored chip with a tiny kick to it.

Terrific or Turd?

Looks like we both agree this time. Pringles' new Extreme line of potato crisps are as terrific as any other Pringles, but they're nothing special beyond that.