Skittles Chocolate Mix

It is somewhat telling that Mars Candy has apparently decided not to bother putting Chocolate Mix Skittles on their skittles.com website. That's because they're nasty.

B-Com Says:
Ever since I was a kid, Skittles has been touting, "Taste the Rainbow!" That line has always brought to mind a delightful, fruity, chewy candy experience. Now, however, they've taken a step over to the dark side. This seems to be an attempt to muscle in on the saltwater taffy and fudge arena, but skittles will get beat up pretty bad over there.

Here are the five flavors available, in order from least nasty to most nasty: S'mores, Vanilla, Brownie Batter, Chocolate Caramel, Chocolate Pudding. All of them are fairly accurate flavors, but they feel wrong in this candy.

When the Skittles hit my mouth, my mind is expecting lemon, cherry, etc., regardless of what's on the package. These things are obviously screwing with my mind because I like chocolate. I know I do, but these are not good.

This tells me Skittles is meddling with powers they can not possibly understand.

TURD

J-Lam Says:

Have you ever chewed an eraser?

I won't admit it either, but if I ever did, it would taste like a vanilla Skittle. The texture is a different story, but equally bad.

In my experience, (which, at 252 lbs., is significant,) chocolate should be rich and creamy. If it must be chewy, make it Tootsie Roll chewy, not chewy sugar in a hard shell. As is often the case with turds, this product goes against the grain of what the consumer expects. And, as lofty a brand as Skittles is, they just don't have the clout to start a revolution in the vaulted land of chocolate.

This bag of funky-flavored bad ideas is definitely a

TURD.

p.s. As a side note, two of our esteemed colleagues at work tried Chocolate Mix Skittles at our request, and loved them! They thought they were awesome! And while we truly appreciate their assistance, and will request it again, we felt it necessary to report that their opinions are wrong.

Java Pop Hazelnut

Java Pop is a start-up product from a little company in Vermont who are taking on the big boys of the soft drink and coffee industries, with the drink being released nationwide just today!

Unfortunately, it's not so good.

B-Com Says:
I was originally attracted to the packaging because Java Pop is going for the "organic" and "Free-trade certified" thing, which is fine. It's unique in the soft drink market, and it made want to try it out.

The color was very remeniscent of cream soda, which I love, so that whet my appetite even more. That first swallow was impressive, too, as it seemed the flavors meshed well together, and I liked it.

But, as I continued, the flavor became more intense, to the point of overbearing. It was as if something in the drink had settled in shipping, although nothing was visible. It made me want to shake it up, but that's not good because I can't shake it can I? It's carbonated.

So, since I don't feel comfortable giving out a terrific for half a product, I've got to call Java Pop a...

TURD.

J-Lam Says:

My initial reaction was similar to B-Com's: It looked great, and when I popped it open, the smell was wonderful. But that first tasted seemed flat, and the flavor was weak (although I could definitely recognize the hazelnut coffee.)

I'm not going to hit it hard because it wasn't completely horrible, but it's not a mix of flavors I can enjoy. If it were a bit stronger without being too much, I would drink it again.

Overall, I was disappointed. It smells better than it tastes, and in a soft drink, that's not what matters. It may as well smell like a...

TURD.

Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate

The picture really says it all. (Special thanks to penmachine.com for a fitting pic! Enjoyed your blog! http://www.penmachine.com/2008/02/do-not-buy-diet-cherry-chocolate-dr)



J-Lam Says:

The packaging is very retro: swoops and bubbles, all pastel shades of pink and silver and brown. I think they're going for the 50's look to bring back memories of soda fountain creations. But let's remember that kids paid a nickel for those old treasures, and that's about what this one's worth too!



When I poured it into the cup I was surprised by the funny reddish color. Dr. Pepper doesn't look good in red, and my first thought was "oh boy, it's gonna be super sweet." It wasn't.



Instead, I got a flavor I can only describe as "mild Robutussin." This was no doubt the artificial cherry flavor they infused into an otherwise delicious soda. Combined with the funky aspartame aftertaste, which I can never stand, it completely lost me after the first swallow.



I forced myself to try again, searching desperately for the chocolate advertised on the label. It was only barely noticeable when I swished it around in my mouth like a fine wine.



Fine wine this is not. It's not fine at all.

TURD.

B-Com Says:

May I remind everyone, this is a diet soda! They all taste like that! (Yes, J-Lam, I'm attacking you!) Let's break it down:

Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate. Does it deliver what it says it will deliver? Yes. That doesn't mean it's good. I didn't pick up the bottle because Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate sounded delicious, I picked it up because it was new and I wanted to try something new.

It tastes kind of like a cherry Tootsie Roll, so it delivers the goods as advertised. But honestly, my first reaction when I took a mouthful was "Oh my God! Who would drink this stuff?"

The chocolate is a surprise. A kind of a sock-you-in-the-mouth type of flavor. The cherry is more subtle, the Abbott to the chocolate's Costello.

To sum it up, does it deliver? Yes. Do I like it? No.

TURD.

P.S. If you want a chuckle, check out this YouTube video for Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2x2W12A8Qow

Mana Energy Potion

[:Mana Energy Potion:]

J-Lam Says:
This "Energy For Gamers" shot is in a really cool package. I'm not a WOW player, but it sure looks like it came from a medevil apothecary (that's ye old CVS for those of you who need to read more.)

The color is a deep seaweed green, not quite the emerald their website seems to display, and it was a bit intimidating. But when I tipped back the 1.35 ounce shot, I was pleasently surprised! The flavor was intense, as I'd expect because it's not diluted by 8 ounces of carbonated water, but it wasn't unpleasent. I kept expecting to get the shivers from that one and only swallow, but they never came.

As for effect, I had a tough time distinguishing one. To give it the benefit of the doubt, I downed the shot at about 12:30 pm, 30 minutes before I normally crash into my early afternoon energy slump. I didn't crash, so that was probably the boost from the Mana. But, I also didn't feel the normal zing I get from a Red Bull or a Rock Star, so it's tough to tell.

Further experimentation may be needed. Either way, I'm comfortable giving Mana Energy Potions a TERRIFIC!


B-Com Says:
This sour, citrusy drink tastes okay. That's actually saying a lot because I don't much care for the flavor of energy drinks, and I don't like sour either. So, the thought of a sour energy drink is not pleasing to me.

In checking over the ingredients I noticed they used artificial sweetner. I didn't notice when I swallowed it. How did they do that? Normally, I can pick out an artificial sweetner as soon as it touches my tounge. Another mark in their favor.

The manapotions.com website boasts that this shot contains twice the caffein of Red Bull, but on the package, caffeine is just listed as one component of their "Energy Potion" so there's no way to confirm that. Based on effect, I have some doubts.

I purchased six of them and when they arrived it appeared one had leaked in the package. And the "Use by..." dates had been wiped from two of the bottles, but the rest were dated October of 2008.

All in all, for a first product from a small start-up company looking to take on the big boys in a crowded and competative market, I'm impressed. I call Mana Energy Potions TERRIFIC!

Nothing But Noodles' "Italian Trio"

Making our first official foray into the world of restaurant food criticism, we found plenty to criticize at a normally impressive fast-but-not-fastfood food place: Nothing But Noodles. Here's their online menu, although, suspiciously, their new dishes don't appear! http://www.nothingbutnoodles.com/menu.php

B-Com Says:

First off, it's freezing inside! I've been in here in the heart of August and found the fireplace lit and roaring away. Today, when it's 2 outside, the fireplace is cold.

OK, now let me concentrate on what I ordered.

When I walked up to the counter, the picture announcing the New Italian Trio caught my eye. It showed three delectable offerings: Chicken Marsala, Chicken Piccata and Chicken Parmigiana. As I asked the girl behind the counter what Chicken Marsala was, I was greeted with a blank look. Assuming she didn't speak Italian as fluently as me, I slowly asked about Chicken Piccata. She was falling deeper into the void, and I was scared I might go with her into the netherworlds. So I threw it in reverse and ordered the Marsala.

In about a five-minute turnaround, the waitress brought out a bowl full of bowtie pasta, a boat-ton of chopped tomatoes, two thin chicken breasts and a light tannish-brown sauce. Just to clarify, there was a tremendous amount of chopped tomatoes. I mean, a hell of a lot of tomatoes. It was like two-thirds of the bowl. Seriously.

Taking one complete bite, I noted the springy pasta, the tender chicken, and a mouth absolutely dripping with chopped tomato. The sauce seemed to not even be there. It added nothing to the dish at all, and that left the rest of the ingredients floating around in one bowl with nothing in common.

It felt like a cheap wine all gussied up to make itself seem expensive. Nondescript, boring, and too many damn tomatoes!

TURD!

J-Lam says:

I gotta say, I didn't fair much better. While B-Com nearly drowned in the deep end with our space cadet counter girl, I was busy trying to manage filling two cups of iced tea from the fountain and juggle the napkins, silverware and straws from the central caddy because this restaurant is still grasping tight to the fast-food feel despite it's double-digit entree prices.

Don't get me wrong, all this aside, I normall love Nothing but Noodles. But their Italian Trio is an odd addition to their menu due to one important factor: the food is normally good, and these dishes aren't.

I chose the Chicken Parmigiana. How can you screw up Chicken Parm?

Here's how:

Put two frozen, breaded, thin strips of tasteless chicken on top of a pile of spaghetti coated in watery sauce and (you guessed it,) chopped tomatoes. Then, throw a handful of cheese on top and heat it up.

The sauce tasted alright, and the noodles were fine. (That's their real specialty, isn't it?) But the chicken was truly tough to swallow and I ended up leaving more than half of it. And that's not my style, if you know what I mean.

Overall, I was pretty disappointed. And by the time we left, I was totally sick of B-Com complaining about the damn tomatoes!

Dark Chocolate Raisinets

Perhaps they're not brand new, but they're new to us.

BCOM Says:

Let me set this up real quick. My first memory of dark chocolate is from the bag of Hershey's Miniatures my Mom would sometimes keep in the house. Krackle? Gone. Milk Chocolate? Loved it. Mr. Goodbar? Nice to meet you sir. Hershey's Dark? The bag got thrown out with 20 of them still inside.

So, obviously I ripped open this bag with some trepidation.

They were actually quite good, I'd have to say. No reminder of the thick, intense flavor from my childhood, which is a good thing.

It actually felt like more of a wholesome snack, which I'm sure is just the reaction they were hoping for when they released these "antioxidant bombs".

JLAM Says:

At first glance, you'd think you're buying a health food the way these are packaged. Lest we forget what we're eating here, I checked out the label a little closer.

Turns out they are pretty low in fat, carbs and calories compared to other leading chocolate candies, but we're still talking about 8 grams of fat (4.5 saturated) and 30+ grams of carbs per serving. And there's two in the bag we're all going to consume in a sitting.

That being said, I liked the taste alot, although I honestly didn't notice a huge difference from regular Raisenets, which I've always liked too.

Overall, we've given Dark Chocolate Raisenets our coveted TERRIFIC!

A&W Float and Sunkist Float Sodas

The Cadbury/Schweppes company's Dr. Pepper/7-Up division has decided to destroy a cherished piece of your childhood. Here's the site: http://www.floats.com/.

A&W Float

B-Com Says:

How does it look? Have you ever gone barhopping, gotten really sick, and the Devil comes out of you? You're close. It was so intimidating, I couldn't look it straight in the eye. Repulsive.

How does it taste? Well, if there's any way to complement this drink, it's this: it tastes exactly as I would expect after looking at it. It took the entire sharp, bright taste I remember from floats as a kid and ruined it. Flat, with a horrible after-taste.

J-Lam Says:

This stuff looks like rotten dishwater. It's packaged in a nice colorful bottle, and it's a damn good thing, because if it came in a clear bottle, you'd think something crawled inside and died before they got the cap on.

It's super sweet and thick, but not in the "rich and creamy" way. More in the "God save the queen" way. Although it tries hard to get close to hinting at the flavor of a root beer float, I can't get past the gunkiness of it. And I can't get it out of my throat!

Sunkist Float

B-Com Says:

How does it look? Whoa, whoa whoa! What an improvement over it's ugly kid sister! Picture a melted creamsicle in a cup. That's how it looks.

Now, how does it taste? I was really excited to try this because a few co-workers had tried it and loved it. I don't know if it was all their hype, or the clinging aftertaste of the worst thing I've ever choked down (see above), but though it tastes "right", it's flat and not intense in any way. I miss the bubbles.

J-Lam Says:

Sunkist Float has the same snazzy packaging, but delivers the goods inside as well with a liquid I can handle putting in my mouth.

Once again, though, it's sickeningly sweet with a gooey slickness that stays with you long after you've tried to forget it. Plus, I caught an unexpected funky "diet" flavor in there. I checked the label, and there are no artificial sweeteners, but I'd already made my decision anyway. Not impressed.

With little discussion beyond searching for a palate-cleansing chaser, we both agree to grace the Floats with our first full-scale TURD!