Peanut Butter Whoppers

You may have noticed that this is the second "new" variety of Whoppers we've tested, and so far so good! You can't find their official site anywhere, but that's okay because the blogosphere is afire with stories on these little tan packages of peanut-buttery goodness.

B-Com Says:

Think about being five years old, up early on a Saturday morning, getting ready for the cartoons to start. You've got one of your Mom's mixing bowls out, and you've found your favorite cereal. You get out the big gallon jug of whole milk, 'cause you're a big boy now, and you empty half the box of Cap'n Crunch into the bowl, and fill so full of milk, it's floating at the rim.

Then came that first bite and the intense peanut butter flavor combined with the Cap'n's patented "shards-of-glass" attack on the tender lining of the roof of your mouth...

These Peanut Butter Whoppers are exactly like that, without the shards of glass. I would recommend making a cereal out of it.

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

For some reason, hearing B-Com tell me we were going to try Peanut Butter Whoppers, I pictured a regular chocolate Whopper with a peanut butter-flavored malt ball center. I was really loving that picture (and highly recommend the idea to any candy company big-wigs who may be avid Terrific Or Turd fans!)

But, alas, it's a peanut-butter coated malt ball. I was justifiably disappointed.

But, then I put it in my mouth, and all was forgiven. This little nugget of pure nutty yumminess has excellent flavor that mixes well with the old-fashioned malt flavor of the original malted milk ball. It's not as overpoweringly sweet as the original milk chocolate variety, which may even be an improvement! I give Peanut Butter Whoppers and enthusiastic

TERRIFIC!

Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers

Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers add a brand new twist on an age-old candy favorite! Unfortunately, as it turns out, Hershey's doesn't think enough of their product to mention it anywhere on their official Whoppers website! http://www.hersheys.com/products/details/whoppers.asp

B-Com Says:

The last time I ate a Whopper, I was 9 years old. Let me take you back there for a moment:

When I was growing up, my Mom didn't have money for anything more than the staples: milk, bread, etc. So we almost never had candy, or treats of any kind. One day my aunt brought home a One Pound Super Sack of Whoppers.

Realizing we wouldn't be seeing another gift from the gods like this one for many moons, and also realizing that "we" was actually "me" because my sister wasn't home when my aunt dropped by, one overriding thought took over: "This sack must go down, and it must go down hard."

Now imagine the nine-year old kid who has just finished obliterating a pound of Whoppers.

There is a line, a boundary if you will, between sane and insane consumption of simple carbohydrates. I triple-jumped that sucker.

So, fast-forwarding over twenty years, you can understand why I've avoided busting open a package of Whoppers since what I call D-Day.

That story notwithstanding, I found Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers to be very pleasent tasting, fruity and delicious. My pancreas started to twitch and moan after I'd had only ten, but that's probably a good thing.

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

I've always liked Whoppers, but for some reason they've always made me sick too. Reading my colleague's story above, I realize it's not just me. Now, I need to ask: if people the world over have been making themselves sick by eating large quantities of Whoppers since 1929 (did you read the site I linked to above, hmm?) when they were invented, why in the name of all that's holy do they package the things in such huge boxes? Why not a little six or seven-Whopper "fun size"?

Do they like making us ill?

Anyhow, I've ripped them enough because the fact is, I enjoyed Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers very much. I only ate a few because I was nervous about the effect described above, but what I had went down nice and smooth, with a pleasent Strawberry-Quik-style artificial strawberry flavor. Just like you'd expect from a strawberry milkshake.

Nutritionally, they're not bad as candy goes. But I did notice that all 8 grams of fat are saturated. Ouch.

Still, as I've said many times already on this blog, if I'm grabbing the eye-catching pink box and delving into a package labeled "Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers", I'm not in it for the health benefits.

Overall, Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers earns my

TERRIFIC!

Vanilla Mud

Mud is touted as "Coffee for the rest of us!", and is available in three flavors plus an extra-strong Dyno-Mud variety. Check them all out here: http://www.drinkmud.com/.

B-Com Says:

This is coffee in a can. Straight up. Coffee, vanilla, milk. Tasty.

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

He's a man of few words. (But not often enough!)

Here is yet another coffee drink. Looking back at the Terrific Or Turd postings, we're obviously drawn to these things for bad or for good.

Mud looks like the others: a solid texture and color, which is appetizing. (See our A&W Root Beer Float post for a bad example of this important point.) But, it tastes much better. It's not as sweet as, say, a Starbucks Frappuccino. This puts it a notch above Starbucks in my mind.

It's also not the same funky-fake vanilla flavor I've come to expect from vanilla coffee drinks, which is a pleasent surprise. There is a fairly high sugar content for a drink that's not too sweet, but not enough to turn me off to it.

Overall, I'm inpressed. Very good. I'll buy it again.

TERRIFIC!

Phat Phruit (Grape-Strawberry Phlavor)

Phat Phruit is another addition to the vast energy drink market, this time in the form of 40-calories of phruitilicious juice. (Sorry for the ph-thing, after reading their website, you'll understand: http://www.phatphruit.com/)

B-Com Says:

Opening the bottle, I got a pungent whiff of something that reminded me of a bottle of Flintstone vitamins. That's a weird scent in a bottle of juice, and made me hesitate.

But, taking one for the home team, I tipped it back and here was my exact reaction:

"Mmmm, this tastes like Hi-C with a -- WHOA! What the--" It was tough to swallow. Let me try again...

"Mmm, I like the -- aaacckkk!" (shudder shudder) "Whew! I'm done."

I don't think that's the reaction they were going for. There's something hidden there in the juice-like concoction, and it's not right. Not at all.

TURD!

J-Lam Says:

This is an energy drink that just tastes like juice. In some ways, that's a good thing. But in checking the ingredients, I wonder how effective it can be with just a dash of caffeine and a dose of Vitamin B-12 in it.

The normal energy drink flavor and aftertaste are missing, and it's non-carbonated which I really like. But, it's also only 40 calories, and my D+ in 10th grade Biology was enough to teach me that calories are what the body actually uses for energy. So if this stuff has less than a third of the calories of normal juice, plus caffeine and B-12, what the hell's it going to do to me?

UPDATE: After about 20 minutes I went through a five-minute period where I was unable to remain seated and felt the need to call B-Com and tell a stupid joke before hanging up and running away laughing. After five minutes I came back to my desk, sheepishly, resumed my work, and fell into my afternoon slump right on schedule.

This stuff is a phreaking

TURD!

Cape Cod Cheddar Jack and Sour Cream Potato Chips

B-Com Says:

These chips have an intense cheddar cheese flavor. Is there Jack? I don't taste it. There is a definite hint of sour cream. In short, there is really no concrete distinction between these and other cheese-flavored chips, but they do taste great!

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

What can I say? It's another cheese-flavored chip. It's not different, it's not special.

But, Cape Cod makes a really good kettle-cooked chip which has a satisfying crunch and a flavorful bite. As far as that goes, this is a great example of a Cape Cod chip. Although I tend to shy away from cheese-flavored chips and snacks, this is one is fairly good, and it gets my

TERRIFIC!

Oreo Cakesters

A soft, snack-cake version of the legendary sandwich cookie! You can check them out online here: http://www.nabiscoworld.com/oreo/cakesters/

B-Com Says:
As expected, the cakester tastes like chocolate cake with an Oreo-like cream filling in the middle. Most people, myself included, love the filling of an Oreo. That's why Double Stuff Oreos are so popular. But, oddly enough, in this case, the cream was too much!

I found it too be way too sweet in proportion to the amount of cake. It felt like there needed to be more cake to offset the super-sweet cream. I was reminded of the numbnuts who put frosting on a brownie. I mean, honestly! Frosting on a brownie? Come on!

But, I digress. I liked the cakester to a point: it had an intense flavor that was initially good, and it is a lot like it's namesake, which is an automatic winner. So, all this being said, I'd like to nominate it for the Golden Turd award, but we only have two choices here. So, I'm calling Oreo Cakesters

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

I was bowled over by the Oreo Cakesters. They're definitely up to Oreo's standards of super-tasty goodness, and the combination of that great taste with the soft and chewy cake and filling makes this a winner! I don't need to keep gabbing about it, because I'm on the way to the store to pick up some more!

TERRIFIC!

Skittles Chocolate Mix

It is somewhat telling that Mars Candy has apparently decided not to bother putting Chocolate Mix Skittles on their skittles.com website. That's because they're nasty.

B-Com Says:
Ever since I was a kid, Skittles has been touting, "Taste the Rainbow!" That line has always brought to mind a delightful, fruity, chewy candy experience. Now, however, they've taken a step over to the dark side. This seems to be an attempt to muscle in on the saltwater taffy and fudge arena, but skittles will get beat up pretty bad over there.

Here are the five flavors available, in order from least nasty to most nasty: S'mores, Vanilla, Brownie Batter, Chocolate Caramel, Chocolate Pudding. All of them are fairly accurate flavors, but they feel wrong in this candy.

When the Skittles hit my mouth, my mind is expecting lemon, cherry, etc., regardless of what's on the package. These things are obviously screwing with my mind because I like chocolate. I know I do, but these are not good.

This tells me Skittles is meddling with powers they can not possibly understand.

TURD

J-Lam Says:

Have you ever chewed an eraser?

I won't admit it either, but if I ever did, it would taste like a vanilla Skittle. The texture is a different story, but equally bad.

In my experience, (which, at 252 lbs., is significant,) chocolate should be rich and creamy. If it must be chewy, make it Tootsie Roll chewy, not chewy sugar in a hard shell. As is often the case with turds, this product goes against the grain of what the consumer expects. And, as lofty a brand as Skittles is, they just don't have the clout to start a revolution in the vaulted land of chocolate.

This bag of funky-flavored bad ideas is definitely a

TURD.

p.s. As a side note, two of our esteemed colleagues at work tried Chocolate Mix Skittles at our request, and loved them! They thought they were awesome! And while we truly appreciate their assistance, and will request it again, we felt it necessary to report that their opinions are wrong.