TGI Friday's Sweet and Smoky Popcorn Chicken

First of all, we want to apologize to all of our adoring readers and fans for being remiss in posting this and the preceding blog on the same day. But, both of you know what kind of week we've had, so just shut yer yaps!

B-Com Says:

So, we finally enter the arena of microwavable meat products. I've waited long for this day. My microwave experiences go back far enough to remember when microwaves were fairly new, and I felt the need to microwave EVERYTHING: SPAM, (which is nasty microwaved, by the way,) items wrapped in aluminum foil or bowls with a spoon still inside, ("ooohhh, look at the fireworks!) And who could forget my brother's 16-minute hot dog escapade. (I swear to you, that hot dog either exploded into vapor or transported itself to another dimension, because when this was over, the microwave stunk like burned hot dog, but the hot dog itself was gone.)

J-Lam tells me technology has come a long way, and he swears these 'sweet and smoky' chicken bites will be "mmmm, sooooo good!" as he clutches them in the patented J-Lam Death Grip (which is really just an awkward fat-guy hug.)

As he took the plate out of the microwave, I see he used the two-plate method described on the package to promote maximum moistness. Rifling one in his mouth, he starts screaming and lolling his head back and forth, crying about how hot they are. Now seriously, how can you complain about how hot something is when you pull out of a nuclear particle accelerator after two minutes of violent nuclear bombardment and rifle it in your mouth immediately?

After I let it cool down a touch, I popped one in my mouth. It tasted like a chicken-flavored meatball. The flavor was alright, but the texture was very mushy. Overall, the flavor of the sauce was good, but I guess I look for more density in my chicken. I'm the kind of guy who needs a dense chicken...

I'm going to stop now. It did taste good, so I'm giving it a hesitant...

TERRIFIC!

J-Lam Says:

I've had the original appetizer at TGI Friday's, and sadly, the frozen microwaveable version is just as good. For less than a third of the price and a tenth of the time investment, I was able to consume 750 calories worth of incredibly tasty sweet misquite-flavored white meat goodness.

There's not much more I can say because B-Com used up our entire day's bandwidth with his overextended "reminiscing" about the history of the microwave. I'll just mention that these delectible protein bombs are NOT healthy. I don't go to the frozen-convenience-food section of the grocery store expecting a balanced, healthy meal, and I didn't get one this time.

But damn.

It tasted awesome.

TERRIFIC!!

Vegetable Thins - Flavor Originals

Nabisco goes retro with Vegetable Thins!!!!

Who cares?

J-Lam Says:

It would be nice if "Flavor Originals" had some flavor. You know, any flavor at all would be nice. Something. I guess the original flavor was invented before flavor existed, so they needed to specially design a chip that tasted like nothing. It's like the Seinfeld Show of crackers!

That's not to say I wouldn't pound these things down without thinking about it, while watching the 49rs trounce a bunch of sissies in spandex and pads, but I wouldn't like it. There's nothing to like. (Unless of course, you like nothing. And if you're that kind of consumer, you'll have a tough time convincing yourself that the nothing you find here is the kind of nothing you like. Being that you like nothing... Anyway,) They're not even good for you. They're still almost as high in fat as any of a million varieties of snack chips, but all those chips taste better.

This one was easy:

TURD!!

B-Com Says:

I have fond memories of enjoying Vegetable Thins as a kid. I remember the crackers as crisp and buttery with a perfect blend of (vegetable) spices, which made them even more delectable. The box now touts them as "baked, with a great new recipe!" As I tore open the top of the box, I was reminiscing so hard, I could almost feel that rich, spicy cracker crumble over my tongue...

Then I was brought crashing back into reality with my first bite. I laughed.

Now, anyone who knows me will tell you that I laugh when something is bad. Really bad. Car crashes? I generally chuckle. Train wreck? A good hearty guffaw. Vegetable Thins?

I was crying, I was laughing so hard.

I had to check quick to see if I'd accidentally bitten the box because the chip tasted like cardboard. I know the packaging was very proud to boast it was made of 100% recycled paperboard, but I didn't realize that included the contents!

Of course, it wasn't a total loss. There was a very interesting recipe for Creamy Vegetable Garlic Dip on the side of the box that I'm very interested in trying. But as for the Vegetable Thins, they're a shoo-in...

TURD!!!